She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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