I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
