You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
