Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Randomize
