dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
