She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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