I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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