I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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