***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
