if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
