Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
