Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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