i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
