I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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