hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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