And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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