When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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