what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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