I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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