He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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