For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
