Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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