I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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