Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
