cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
