If you die in college, do you die in real life?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
