How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
