Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
