8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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