I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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