I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
