I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
