Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
