Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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