i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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