I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
