lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
