Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
