The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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