first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
