I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
