Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
