He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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