I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
