Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
