just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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