Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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