Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
