So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He shit in the fireplace
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