I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
