Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
