He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
